Monday, December 23, 2013

The Tale of Rodger the Sloth


The Tale of Rodger the Sloth
One day, Rodger the sloth was hanging in a tree. It was a warm day in the jungles of Puerto Rico. Rodger had just woken up from a five hour nap. He decided to take another nap, before moving. His eyes blurred in the sunlight, and he decided to nap in a nice warm sunny spot.
Rodger moved slowly up the branch. He spied a great big branch in the sunlight. “This would be perfect for a nap,” Rodger thought. He slowly made his way and took hold of the branch.
“Get off me, s-s-s-sloth,” said the branch. “I am not a branch. You’re making me angry.”
Rodger looked surprised at the branch. It wasn’t a branch at all! It was Ziggy the snake! Rodger jumped back, startled. He lost hold of the branch and fell into a pond!
The pond splashed around Rodger. He was all wet! All around him he heard the sound of grumbling coming from under the water. Suddenly the head of a turtle surfaced with a big angry frown. “You jumped on me, sloth, watch where you’re going,” the turtle snapped at Rodger, then slid back down underwater.
Rodger swam as fast as he could to the shore, which wasn’t very fast, considering he was a sloth. As he was swimming he felt angry bubbles forming around him. When he hauled himself onto the shore, all the fish in the pond stuck their heads out of the water. “Watch it, sloth! You’re getting in our way,” they all yelled at him.
By now Rodger felt very bad. He had made everyone in the jungle angry. “It wasn’t my fault!” he tried to say to the fish. Their yells and insults drowned out his cries.
Rodger sulked; he crawled across the ground until he was under his favorite tree. He felt very bad about making all his friends angry. He cried to the sky, “What can I do to make everything better?”
“Say you’re sorry,” a voice said flatly from above. Rodger looked up, and saw the source of the voice. It was Fluffers, the jungle cat. He was perched on a low-hanging branch on Rodger’s favorite tree.
“Say I’m what?” Rodger asked Fluffers. He didn’t know what sorry was.
“You heard me.”
“But what is sorry? I’ve never heard of such a thing.” Rodger climbed up to where Fluffers was perched.
“Sorry is an emotion. It is when you regret what you’ve done, and want to make up for what you did that you didn’t mean to do.” Fluffers licked her paw.
“How do I do that?” Rodger felt that way exactly. He wanted to make everything better with his jungle friends.
“It’s simple, Rodger. All you have to do is say ‘I’m sorry.’ That is how you feel, isn’t it?”
“Oh, yes! I definitely feel that way!” Rodger felt much better now that he knew how to make things better. “Thank you, Fluffers!” Rodger ran off as fast as he could, which wasn’t very fast.
He ran to the pond, and saw the fish under the water. He splashed at the pond to get their attention. When he had their attention, he cried, “I’m sorry!” A dopey smile erupted on his face. The fish were stunned. Rodger had never told anyone sorry!
“It’s okay!” The fish all said in unison.
Rodger then crawled toward the turtle. He cried, “I’m sorry, turtle!”
The turtle was shocked, Rodger had never said sorry before! He poked his head up and said, “Its okay, Rodger. I forgive you.”
Rodger felt great! He was making everything okay with his jungle friends! He climbed a tree as fast as he could to find Ziggy the snake. He found him basking in the sunlight.
He cried, “I’m sorry, Ziggy for using you as a branch!” Rodger smiled his dopey smile.
Ziggy was taken aback; Rodger had never apologized to anyone! He told Rodger, “It’s-s-s-s okay, Rodger. I ac-c-c-ept your apology.”
Rodger felt great! He apologized to everyone he had wronged today. All of his jungle friends were not angry with him anymore. Rodger climbed into his own sunny spot, and took a long, happy nap.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Sunlit Insecurity

        Insecurities in the sun,
Inside and out
    Caffeinated cacophony of
  Love and life and hate and words.
          Mostly my own.
    Living in my own head
Will be the death of me.
        But how, oh how
    Can I visit without attachment?

Public spaces scare me
      They open my heart, to wear
    On my sleeve, to be torn
        By lovers and strangers
            Alike.

The setting sun shines brightest,
    Reflecting any and all
  Lifting smoke from the earth
      Cleansing the ground and air
          And mind.
Helicopter mountaintops reach
    Into the very soul of man.
  Encroaching madness
        Madness for life;
For love and words and songs and life.
  Blowing smoke rings around
    My head this life runs
          In circle
          After circle
          After circle
    Through the states of mind
      No one wants to see again.
Spinning across the cosmos
    Whipping into shape the
        Nothingness that is language.
Spinning through the stars
    As my love for words
        Whips into my heart.
            Worn and worn
    Upon my sleeve,
        Loving the word that
      Is life.
Sleeping in a laugh,
    slipping through
      The stars.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Lipcut Daydreams

Lipcut daydreams
    Bleed through the page,
Pockmark my hands as it
    Drips,
      Drips,
        Drips.

Oozing from every pore
  My love for you is
    Drip
      Drip
        Dripping
Thru the cloth and paper
Drip
    Drip
        Dripping
Across page
  After page
Leaving me,
    Lost for words.
Loving me
          Speechless.

The blood escaping my
    Lipcut daydreams
        Thick and thin
Thru pockets and posies and roses
        And rain.
Drip
    Drip
        Dripping
        Down the sidewalk I
                    Wander.

And this lipcut daydream
  Has left me
      Starkraving in love.
Because the blood from my lip
Drip
    Drip
        Drips
            Into my heart.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Dragon-Phoenix Heart

You, you are beautiful.
In every
Single
Way, and more.
My love for you will
Never fail, never
Falter or wither
Or die.
You, you are the
Light of my life,
The stars in my eye,
And the beat of my
Heart.  Even
Though you are miles
Away, I still think of
You. I (wish to) see
You inches from my
Face; I (wish to)
Feel your embrace in mine,
To know you are right where
You are.  Being beautiful.
Being you, and I (wish
To) have your love come
Out in wave after wave of
Snuggles and cuddles,
God how I wish.
How I wish you were here,
One night without you
Is one night too many.

Never forget, how I love you.
You will always and
Forever have a place in
The largest ventricle of
My dragon-phoenix
Heart.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Rainy Rambles

Stoplights turn,
The blue buzz of go throught the
Midnight rainy air.
The exhaust clings to the road
And the music pounds on,
Singing my route through the haze
Beating my way down road
Afer road,
After road.
Cold reaching my bones
Wetness from the sky,
Tears of the gods.
Lifegiving, breathtaking love
Of the skies themselves.
This water wandering through
Dreams of yesteryear,
The last time it rianed, oh so
Long ago.

As for now, friends keep
My company, my love and
Affection.  Keeping
Me in line, and in love through
This tough time living life.

And the rain the rain the rain,
Leaving me cold, wet and so
Very happy.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

That Place

You know,
        That place
That place between
Life and hate,
        That place
Between loving and
Words, but we always found
        That place
To be boring and stale.
A lover in brail
        To a blind child
Who never learned to
Listen.

You know,
        That place
That place between
Real and imaginary,
        That place
In between the stars
That fall between your eyes.
        That place.
That's where I love you.
And that's where
        I'll always
        Yet never.

    That place.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Elation Desperation

Every elation has a desperation,
Ups have downs,
We have no rights left.
Life soaring through the
Breathtaking Texas sky,
Leaving me in the dust,
Dirty and alone.
Teased with the fact
That I know who I am,
And yet no one else does.
I am learning to love myself,
But the world around me
Doesn't give two shits.
Loving myself doesn't mean
Anything else loves me.

For what I've done:
I understand.
Deserve is different than
Want, and what I want
Is irrelavent.

Being happy is work,
Life is work, love is work,
And I'm just lazy.
The crippling laziness
That plagues my life
Plagues infesting my mind
Dirty and alone, loveless
And deserving of nothing more

Thursday, November 14, 2013

11/14/13 (continuation of 11/5/13)

And yet, life is so much more
    More than the high and
      Elation of drugs.
Life is magic and strange and wonderful
    And weird and awesome
          (In the traditional sense,
        Of course.)
This wonder that floats
    Across my eyes, the ghosts
      Of lives gone by,
The words of old junkie sages
    Echo in my the box atop my shoulders.
      "Their problem
Is just as deep,
      Just as bad as yours.
You don't get a hero medal
    For what you've done."
The profoundity of this man,
        Still hits me to this day.
  The Russianliterature-loving-dope-peddling
Sage.

Because life is so much more.
  Than being someone I was.
    I could do so much better.
I am, in fact, doing better.
        Learning to love myself,
    And accept myself,
For who I am.
          Who I am at this moment.

11/5/13

This room is illuminated
    By despair
My fingers blind across
    The page
This pencil being an invader
Invading my old home;
    My old being.
Stress and depression bleeding from every
    Pore; I don't know why.
That's not true, not entirely.
    Life, life
    Is my stressor.
        Real life is my enemy.
So I run
    Run with pills and
      Booze and songs
    And words.
Floating across my eyes
    As if in a dream;
      A spectral fantasm of
        A long loved and
    Forgotten time.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Hydrocodone Hangover

Hydrocodone hangovers have me
Second guessing my second chance,
Have me rethinking my second glances
At the mystery that is life.

Caffeine and cigarettes guide my day
What's to come is pre-coped and
Pre-packaged to fit neatly in the box
On top of my shoulders.

Wondering what life will bring, what
Wondrous things are to come.
What horrible thoughts are to arise from
These wondrous happenstances.

The negative self-talk is corrosive,
Now on, from this point onward
It's going to be positive,
Sunshine and rainbows.

Life is wonderful scary strange and
Magical, what's to come is in the cards
And what has been is in my heart.
Part of me knows I can do my part

To live my life to the fullest,
With my heart outside my breast,
My mind beginning to crest
The hill of the insurmountable.

The insurmountable love that is life.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Couple of weeks.

It's been a rough day, for me at least.  I said goodbye to the girl I truly love, and I couldn't help crying the rest of the day.  But the more I think about it, the more I want her to be happier than she ever was with me.  I want her to be the happiest she's ever been every day for the rest of her life.  She deserves it, that is for damn sure. 

I got a job, if you couldn't already tell.  It's at an electronics store.  And, well, I spent pretty much my whole paycheck on computer components.  My friend gave me his old rig and I want to upgrade it into a total badass.  Plus, the Raspberry Pi I ordered came in, so I have a lot to do.  For those who don't know what a Raspberry Pi is; it's a computer the size of half your hand.  It's amazing, really.  When I got it I felt like a kid in a candy store, all I could say was "Eeeeee."

Still, I hope to keep myself busy with the computer stuff for a while.  At least until I feel comfortable with my love leaving.  Because, honestly, I am heartbroken.  But my solace is in the face that she will have so much fun in college.  The thought of her having fun, meeting people and learning brings me joy.  That is what makes me feel okay with her leaving.  Otherwise I would be in tears 24/7.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Capital Wasteland: My First Novel

Here's a link to my very first novel.  Please, read it and give me advice.  If anything just read it, or let it collect dust on your hard drive.  But yeah, give it a whirl.

Capital Wasteland


Happy reading, as always,
Richard

Life is Interesting.

    So, it's officially gotten to the point where the only thing I ever type into the computer is my password.  I need to keep writing, even now it feels alien to be typing.  I figure it's high time I start posting again.
    I finished my novel.  I think I'll just give it away for free online.  If I can find a way to host the file on here, then I will do that in short time.  Other than that I've been enthralled by computers.  I ordered a Rasberry Pi, one of those wallet-sized and fully-functional computers.  Honestly, that's just effing amazing to me.  A full computer that fits in the palm of your hand.  Fuckin' crazy right?
    Right.
    I also have been enthralled with both the movie and novel, John Dies at the End.  If you've never heard of it, check it out.  It is definitely worth it.  The first time I saw that movie, all I could say was, "what the fuck?"  But it was delightfully absurd, emphasis on the delightful.  If you're not into reading the book (and I DO wish I had read the book first, just saying) then check out the movie.  You can find it on Netflix, or your neighbourhood friendly movie pirating site.  I highly recommend it.
    Recycled computers are interesting.  I just brought one of my first computers back to life, something that took all of a day and ten bucks worth of adapters, not sure if it's worth it.  Mostly because of the internet connection, but hey, can't win em all.  I may just wire it, instead of using one of those cheap USB wireless adapters.  But honestly, all of that was just testing and preparation for when I get the Rasberry Pi.  Which, to my dismay, hasn't even been processed.  [entersadfacehere]
    Still, life has been an amazing time.  Not to mean it's over, quite the opposite.  Graduating high school just made me realize that I have so much more to do.  I try to focus on the here-and-now, but I keep having looming thoughts about failing to become employed, getting an education, and the whole lot.  So if anyone in the Austin, Texas area knows someone who's hiring, drop me a line.
    That's my update so far.  I hope it's been amazing for you, too.

Happy Reading,
Richard

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Dream of a Nightmare


Words don't come as easy
As they used to, you know.
Pained and struggled, staring
At the computer screen, wondering
Wondering why the words are
So hard to form, why the
Page is full, and blank.

The words aren't as
Inspired as they once
Were. Leaving me, alone
In the dark, wanting to do some
Thing creative with my
Words. Only to be
Shot down by
My own
Mind.

Adderall dreams
Fill my head with sorrow,
Guilt and euphoria like never
Before, and yet I've been here all
Too many times. Wondering
Down the dark, bleak
Streets of Venice.
Contemplating
Life.

Coffee stains on
The rug, water pouring
From my pours, escaping
The poisoned body they once
Inhabited, they once called
Home. Littered across
My room are the
Dreams of my
Nightmares.

A life I once
Could only dream
Of, a life filled with
Love, ambition, and, of
Course belonging are only
The dream of a night-
Mare long past.
The words
Come
Slowly now.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Many Apologies Coming from This Dude Right Here.

    As the title says, many apologies for not being on.  I am neck deep in my first novel.  One that I started a number of years ago, but never got around to editing it fully.  May I say, it's a good-un.  Though I will just self-publish, instead of getting an agent, because I A) don't have the money for one, and B) I'm not too much invested in this as I should be.  I guess I want to do other things with my life right now.  I really love writing, but I can't find the time for it anymore.  Yet another reason I haven't been blogging.  I really should make the time, but it's getting down to the end of the year, schoolwise, and it's crunch-time.  I guess I'll have more time once school gets out.  Well, I will hopefully have a job by then, so it's really up in the air now.  I'll start posting things when I can, I just can't do it everyday like I promised. 
Again, many apologies from me.

Happy reading, from yours truly
Richard.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

To C

I met you and fell upward
To the bliss
Of sunshine and the sweet of a rose
And with the power of a kiss,
I fell to the sky.

I thought I would bleed
For you, but I found myself
Upon a midnight reading
Out from my lonesome shelf.

The picture on the page
Dances in my head wile
As this bird flies from the cage
Made weak from this child.

The voice of my past
Cannot last
This straining of my heart
He died whilst speaking his art.

In the Mood to Destroy Something Beautiful

    Lately I've been in the mood to destroy something.  Something beautiful, and preferably non-living.  Like burn the Louvre and wipe my ass with the Mona Lira, as my copy of Fight Club says.  I don't know, man.  I'm usually not that kind of guy.  But lately I feel like it.  I might as well enjoy it, since I've been labelled a douche for the rest of my high school career.  Two months never seemed so long.  In a sense I have destroyed something beautiful.  I really did, if I think about it.  I guess that's why I feel this way, the whole 'fuck it' attitude.  I'm going to be in school for two more fucking months, then bam.  Real life.  I honestly think I should live as much as I can now, before life kicks in.
    Adolescence is a twentieth century invention, I've heard that a lot echoing through my mind.  The more I think about it, the more I realize it's true.  We are a generation of men raised by women, a generation of women raised by the media.  I'm still unsure if another voice in our heads is for the better.  Freud's Superego has been amassing an army.  To fight the moral fight of this stillyoung century.  I've been debating whether or not I should just opt out, or pick a side.  One thing that still gets me is my knack for picking a side unintentionally.  The Id has been amassing an army as well.  Set up to fight the Armageddon of the New Age.  Maybe that's what all that biblical shit is about.  Morals, since, the bible can be boiled down to a book of morals.  A HIGHLY symbolic book of morals.  You know the drill, God is in each and every one of us, blah blah blah.  But once you think about it, all those hippie shit "freethinkers" have got something there.  Makes me wonder if my senseless hedonism is worth it.
    Then I think, "well, if the world is going to end, then fuck yeah."  Still a resounding argument from the Id.  While the Superego is always nagging, "get your shit together, be a good person, blah blah blah."  This goes on each and every day inside me until I have a headache that could part the Red Sea. 

Arm thyselves for the coming war.
And as always, happy reading.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Spaceship Earth


I sit under the spinning blades of
The skies churning, churning, and
I cry.
My life interrupted, once again.
I wonder if time is cyclical, if
I could really go back. But
What would I do?
Be locked away for raving
Nude in the parking lot of my
High school? Scream at myself
Again raving nude in the classroom
I once called Home.
Now all I can do is
Submit to the will of the
Opium drip drip dripping
Through my veins
Praying for an overdose.
An “accidental” death to
Justify my exit stage left from
This spaceship called Earth.
While I sit here, under the
Spinning blades of my life
I cry.
I scream to the gods to just let
Me die, to let my breath escape
My body, one measly second
At a time.
Profoundly intoxicated by this
Prophetic substance, dreaming
Dreams I once thought impossible.
I see the muddling existence led
By others sharing my pain.
I am sorry.
The only thing I want at this
Holy moment is to wander the streets
Of San Fransisco Portland and open
A heavy iron door to steam I know
Is Heaven. The holy moment
Enshrouded by this holy vapor,
THIS is my home.
Nodding off to the sick sounds
Of nothing there. Of parents and
Coworkers wonderingnotwondering
Where I am.
Who I've become.
If I'm safe.
Because on this spaceship called Earth,
No one is safe
Save enshrouded by that holy vapor.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Once I thought there was a title, but not I'm not so sure

    My apologies for not posting yesterday.  Busy busy busy.  Trying new things, sobriety for one.  Also, it's been a while since I've cried.  It felt good.  Almost feel like doing that now, if my eyes weren't burning out of my skull.  I honestly feel like a late night would be good for me.  Perhaps it would, I don't really know anymore.  Watching On the Road (the movie, I didn't sit and watch the book for two hours) really is making me want to live that life.  I've caught the Beat bug once again.  I only fear this won't be good for the likes of me.  Part of me wants to live a short life, burning twice as fast.  I am unsure that I would be twice as bright, on the other hand.  I've led that life, and it almost killed me.  I don't know if I want another go at that.  But goddamn, a drink sounds really good right about now.
    I've decided to live out of my notebooks from now on.  I love the feel of writing longhand.  It gets my ideas out in an organized way, as opposed to scrambled and put together in a very short amount of time.  Writing longhand helps me write better.  So, as of now I'll be living out of notebooks.  The trouble is, I always feel weird writing randomly in a notebook in the middle of class.  I am paranoid that someone will call me out on it, read over my shoulder, or make fun of me for it.  Though, the little fucks in my classes aren't really worth feeling hurt over.  Alas, the pain is still there.
    A lot of the time I feel as if I was born in the wrong era.  I have been obsessed with the Beat generation for a long time.  Though it went dormant when I got sober.  So now all I can think of when I think of the Beats are drugs.  I don't know if I can ever feel that same passion again.  That passionate wide-eyed sweat that comes from reading Howl, that wondrous and infectious thought that the truth is out there, somewhere and all that I have to do is search for it by any means necessary.  The senseless thoughtful hedonism that led the generation to literary legend.  I want to feel that again.  At the same time, though, I want to be healthy.  I want to be stable and I want to make something of my life.  Isn't the whole life of an artist devoted to chance, passion, and love?  The chance to do something great through your art, at the expense of everything else.  Something about that just sings to me its siren song.  If only I could do both.  Live a life of love, truth, wonder and still be stable enough to not have everyone around me hate me for who I am.
   I guess that's the rant of the day.  Just me, bearing my soul open and injured on the proverbial stage.  Just please, be careful with my heart.  It's the only thing I want to keep intact.

Happy reading.

Asking All the Right Questions


Rain travels upward
   In the lower levels of eternity,
     Wanderlusting through field
After field,
         Never asking why,
Only to find the answer
     To our question
Is exactly why.

At the mountains of
   Stark raving madness
     The gods drink scotch
Looking at the stars,
         Wondering if there's
Someone up there, listening
     To their prayers,
This is exactly why.

Exactly why our eyes
   Can't keep away from the
     Skyward shadows;
Can't keep wondering what's
         Living beneath our feet.
Can't stop ourselves from
     Asking all the wrong
Questions as to why.

Why do stars cry out at
   Midnight? Why do dogs
    Bark through shocked
Collars. You're goddamn right
         Why:
Because someone up there
     Is asking
All the wrong questions.

Wondering where the next
   Step will take us
     Feeling like there's nowhere
To go but
         Everywhere.
Everywhere at once,
     Only stopping to ask.
Why?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

New Thing I Am Trying (Sketches!)

    Inspired by the late Jack Kerouac, I am going to start sketching.  But here's the twist, I am going to sketch with words!  I re-picked up the Book of Sketches by Jack Kerouac.  It has inspired me to sketch, at least once a day to keep up my writing chops.  I have gotten a bit rusty, especially in poetry.  I would love to be much better than I am at the moment.  So expect a sketch a day!  Practice practice practice!

    On a side note, I am now eight days completely sober and I've never felt better!  It's amazing, really.  I am motivated to do my work now (gasp!)  Well, at least work in some classes.  Others I am just too filled by hatred to concentrate.  Hey, baby steps right?  I think the secret to it all was hydration.  I had this crazy idea that it would make me feel better.  It has!  Also, limes are like a godsend right now.  They help a lot with cleansing the system, and I just got a big bag of them. 

Happy reading, comrades!

Sketch 1


Light stumbles through
The glass and film—
Wanderlust of the Gods—
Spinning blades weave
The static air through
The static of the TV.
Fantasmic fantasies
Of you, and I,
Rolling around—
Feeling 'round for
That one spot,
That one spot between
Consciousness,
Reality, and name—
Ecstasy (pure
Simple).

Routine—once
Thought drab,
Overdone, cliché,
Now holds my attention
Weaving in and out
Of sight—within
The mind—Within
My soul.
Glass plastic and
Wood await the
Telling of my story.
They wish for parts
That I possess
Lamenting the fact
They can't speak
Feel
Hear.

If my walls could speak,
O, the things they'd
Say—the stories they'd
Weave—Scream through
The glass panels and
Plaster.
I am—at the same time—
Glad and regretful the
Walls in this room can-
Not talk. I wish
To hear the words they'd
Use. The arc of story
Told by the wanderlust
Of the Gods.

Monday, March 18, 2013

The Girl with the Sunshine Eyes and Thundercloud Smile


I am waiting for
   The girl with the
   Sunshine eyes and
Thundercloud smile.
A face that I once
   Coveted, but the mind
   Behind was the target
Of all my affection.
And oh, my cloudless
   Days have the best
   Of me, raining from
My eyes in the night.
Leaving me sightless,
   Cold and soaked;
   Barely able to
Surface my head.
Where has the girl
   With the sunshine eyes
   And thundercloud smile
Gone? Will she return?
Will I find the light
   In this sunless night,
   Tripping and slipp-
Slip-
Slipping across my eyes?

Under the sunless sky,
  Lit by hope
   (Nostalgia)
A smirk is found
Spread across my face.
   This face, never
   Seen by this girl.
The girl with the sun-
Shine eyes and
   Thundercloud smile.
   The smirk fades.
A sigh barely heard
Over the gales,
   Ebbing through sight
   Flowing out of sound.
Oh, this astral girl
Inciting the winds to
   Blow away the dust,
   Blow away the grime.
God, let her sunshine eyes,
And thundercloud smile,
   Shine and rumble
   Across my sky.

Time Runs Thin


The music comes
To dramatic endings
      As the tick-tock eyes move
          Back and forth
        Back
      And
    Forth.
The four/four time of my heart
  Has filled the beats,
    And filled your soul.
          But music is what you speak,
      And music is my whole.
        Alas, time runs thin.
And my words ended in awkward clauses,
    Never finding the right notes,
  Not finding the right tone.
      I wanted to make you smile,
        But I ended up flat, clashing,
          My words in discord.
A brand-new notebook, filled
          With the ideas of a
  Mad man, yet
        Never finding their way in.
    The silence after the song fills
      The page, as
Time
     Runs
       Thin.

Late Posts

    Okay, so.  Last week was spring break for me, and it was busy.  To say the least.  I went camping the first three days.  Honestly it's a bit of a blur after that.  All I remember is the very long hike, next thing I know I'm in this woman's arms.  Arms I love very much, probably the best way to end the weekdays.  Except when she had to leave, I wanted her to stay in Austin.  But I thought she would have had more fun seeing buffalo and such.  Then, after a very chill day of doing nothing; I went to go see Eric Clapton.  I have to say, that was a hell of a concert!  I've only seen three other old guys who can rock that hard.  And I'm pretty sure they're gods.  At least demi-gods.  Either way, they all will go to musical Olympus, and be merry.
    I will try to post mostly every day from now on.  I seriously fell out of the habit of posting.  One thing I will fix, for sure.

Happy reading.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Night Winds

The wind of night creeps
Across my window.  The air;
Cold yet inviting, wishes me to
Walk the streets, wondering where I
Would end up.

But my heart, tells me no.
So I sit here, wondering
Just where I would end up.
I am enticed, yet afraid
Of what the night has to offer.

I try to bring myself
Back to the reason I am this way.
But the night, the darkness of
The night wind wishes me into
Wanderlust.

So I play music, try
To forget myself,
My past, the dark night.
I write to soothe my soul,
But the nightly wind

Blares through my headphones,
Straight into my head,
Planting the seed of
Doubt, regret, dismay.
I wonder if I will

Ever be right again.
I want to say I will.
I want to believe I
Will be who I have always
Wanted to be.

As I sit here,
Cold and alone.
I wonder when my life
Passed me by,
Travelling on the dark

Night winds.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Broken Moons and Afternoons

Broken afternoons
Give way to darkness,
That give way to forced words
And four by four blocks
Leading into the Ether.
These broken afternoons
Leave me tired and forgotten,
While I wish to be loved,
The loved have wishes.
What I have taken for granted
Is the only thing keeping me
Where I am, when I am.
But as this silver moon
Falls across the sky,
My heart fades.
My stomach turns and
I am left sitting alone
In the dark, wondering
What the fuck happened.
Whether I really like
Who I am, or what I've
Become, or what I will
Be.
But as this fading moon
Falls through the sky,
I am reminded of my past;
What I have been through
To get to where I am.
And while I would rather
Not think about them,
I am reminded of what I
Have been through.
Of what I have seen.

I've seen my blood dripping
From my legs as if it wanted
To escape the confines of my
veins. I've seen what's left
Of my heart be broken into pieces
Over this sacred Ether.
I've seen (or rather, felt)
My heart cut in twain over
What I thought was sacred.
I haven't had a good memory
In years.

But now,
When I am pondering
On my life now,
I feel as if I don't deserve
The good things I have.
I feel I am not
Worthy of such good fortune.
I wonder if I am where
I am because of fate,
Or just freak coincidence.

Watching this freak moon
Fall from the sky I
Realize that I am who
I am because of the
Actions I've taken in
My past life. What
I have taken for granted is
In the falling freak moon.

I am this moon, I am the sky.
This silver deity falling from
Me is only a reminder that
I have no stars left.
That, across my sky
I have nothing but
Fleeting memories that
I have no desire to remember.
From my falling sky,
From my rising moon
I wish for memories I don't have
To fall for.

Looking up at this sky,
I want nothing more than
An Earth to land on.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Arabian Afternoons

It's too early for
  This shit.
    Muffled bottles cracking
Show the Afternoon
    For what it's worth;
or
    What it could be.
Bottle caps protruding
  From the eyelids of
    The forgotten;
Of the wasted, lost
       And rich:
Tell the story of
    This night
      And this night
      In particular.
It's only the Afternoon, but
    What the night
      Has in store;
      What the night
      Waits for-
Is just what it
    Could be.
What with the
      "you've said this
        Before"
And the fizz on the
    Tops of what follows:
I never wanted more
    Than another's voice.
Another's look on
    How this glass empties.
And now I realize this
    Is well within my grasp.
You are with in my grasp.
And what happens between us,
    Is meant for the Gods-
What happens between us,
    Is viewed only by
      Fallen angels, who
Know what it's like
    To be lost.
      Who know not love,
      But the pain of
Children who never knew
    Their fathers,
Of the ghost of reason
    Popping in your head
        As the needle goes in,
And of lovers, who never
    Quite learned to love
      Eachother.

Then again,
    The night's still young.
        The drought not yet
        Drunk and my loves
    Not yet loved.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Minecraft Ending: What the What?

    So, I finally went through the End portal in Minecraft.  For those of you who don't know, it's a portal in a dungeon that sends you to another world.  You are faced with a dragon that you have to kill.  Once you do, however, the game supposedly 'ends' and you are taken to the credits screen.
     This is where it gets weird.  Instead of the usual credits, you are presented with a series of textual voices.  These voices tell you that you have been in a dream.  That the entire world you live in, not only in Minecraft, is the universe talking to you.  That your existence in Minecraft is not only a dream, but the world you live in playing the game is a game.  That the universe is a series of codes, that your body is composed of a 'code' called DNA.  And that you are everything the universe has to offer.  The quote that stands out the most is "You are love."
    What really gets me is the depth of the game that I have always thought to be meaningless.  The only thing standing between you and the void of nothing (which, is impossible to imagine) is a series of code that makes you who you are.  Not only that, but the perceptions of this code (you) is dictated by the vast void of the universe.  That, the only thing you know--reality--is just a series of codes and sequences that just happen to make you who you are.
    My first thought was, "how very Buddhist."  Since, this is one of the core beliefs in Buddhism.  One that I personally believe to be true.  As a Buddhist, this end sequence really spoke to me.  It told me not only what I already know, but what I have been wanting to validate.  I don't know if the creators of Minecraft are Buddhist, but I have a growing suspicion that they are.  The thing that gets me, yet again, is the sense that the things they are saying are true.  It's that feeling you get when you see bits of 'wisdom' from more than one source.  That is how you know this 'wisdom' is true.
    I put 'wisdom' in quotes because there is no real way of knowing if this is wise or not.  The only thing that qualifies it as 'wise' is the belief that it is so.  This, I know for sure.  It's the only thing that I know for sure: that there is nothing for sure.  Even then, the ending of Minecraft was something wholly unexpected.  From a game that has little to no story to come out and slap you in the face with more story than one of the weaker mindset cannot handle in one dose.
    Which, brings to mind that the only reason it was such a large dose of story in one sitting was there really is no story to Minecraft.  The whole point of the game is to make your own story.  Admittedly this is limited, but for me the ending sequence of Minecraft is more than enough story for this simple little game.  One thing is for sure: from now on I will look at Minecraft with a whole new and deeper light than I have before.  Minecraft is now on my list of favourite games of all time.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

The Price Payed for Convenience


     As a child of the Internet, it is hard for me to fathom how technology affects the way we connect. On the one hand convenience of instant messages helps us to communicate with people halfway around the globe. On the other hand it hinders the thought put into a message. With the advent of the Internet, people are more apt to connect with people previously thought to be out of reach. My stand on technology is that there is a price to pay for convenience. The convenience we are privileged with is growing exponentially with the evolution of technology. What I have always been taught was there is no such thing as free. No matter what we do or how we do it, there will be consequences.
     Social media and electronic messaging defines the generation I am (somewhat) proud to call myself a part of. What we lack in quality we make up for in quantity. The sheer size of people we are “friends” with is astonishing by older standards. Take Facebook, most people on the social media site have between a hundred to thousands of friends. This was totally unheard of before the advent of the Internet because there was no way to keep up with all of those people. Although the advent of these social media sites have—for the most part—destroyed this generation’s memory and attention span. It was and still is perfectly possible to keep up with hundreds of friends without social media. Though even now I can say I don’t keep in touch with every friend I have on Facebook. This presents a question: how many people can we keep in touch with without social media? Taking the ones we see every day aside, I am left with one thing to do: ask my parents.
     I have heard from my parents—who grew up without the Internet or cell phones—that in their time they were forced to remember certain things such as phone numbers and addresses. That the only way to communicate with people outside of the regular crowd you hung around with was either phone or snail mail. And the only way to make those things worth your time was to put everything you had to say into one phone call or letter. This sounds to me like increased depth as opposed to the one-word-texts I so hate receiving. Today, however, no one has the need for those things, our cell phones and computers do it for us. Even the U.S. Post Office is suffering at the hands of technology.
     With the invention of the cell phone, what we used to have a pen and multiple notebooks for is kept in the small, preferably touch-screen device sitting snugly in our pockets. What's the price we pay for such a convenience, you might ask. From what I have seen and heard, when people have such a fancy device as an Iphone or Android, they tend to pay much less attention to what is going on in the real world. They are so focused on their phones, that they forget that there is an entire world around them!
     All in all, technology isn't all bad. In my book it just evens out to neutral. As I have said above, what technology lacks in quality it makes up for in quantity. That isn't saying that it is impossible to have deep, meaningful relationships over this ever expanding series of tubes. In fact, the convenience of technology multiplies the amount of depth in a conversation, with the right people. Those people are harder and harder to come by, it seems. I can't speak for the previous generations, but it seems to me that there are an increasing number of people who have no idea what a deep conversation is, let alone a relationship.
     The overall price of technology, social media, cell phones, and the Internet seems to be a decreasing number of deep relationships. The price payed for quantity is quality. That seems to be the overall rule in more than just human relationships. In the end, however, it all boils down to the choice of the user. If one chooses not to pay the price of depth for convenience, then it is his or her right to do so. Technology is nice, but the beauty of it is the ability to turn off the computer or phone and go outside to talk to people face to face.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Linux! I am here!

    I recently changed my OS to Linux Ubuntu.  And good god, I am loving it.  It's just so pretty!  And very user friendly, not only that but my computer runs SO much faster on it.  It was hard to change at first, and I had to go through a different version of Linux before deciding on Ubuntu, but I am glad that I did. 
   Alas, in my excitement I failed to back up all of my music.  Some number of gigs of music (including some of my own mixes) were lost into the void of cyberspace.  No big loss, really.  Except, it kind of is.  But it's fixable.  So, my question to you is: what are some good artists to download?  I would love anything electronic (dubstep, drum 'n bass, electro, house, etc.) also anything folk-y or indie.  I'm probably not going to sleep anytime soon.  Blasting Pandora until I can reclaim my lost files.  Not to mention I have SO much to explore in this OS!  So much fun.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Don't know what to do. (rant and reflection)

    I find myself sitting alone in my chair, not knowing what to do.  I'm listening to doom jazz, but all I can think is "fuck man, get it together, write something!"  But every time I try I can only squeeze out a few lines at a time.  I don't know whether I'm writing the right story right now, or whether I need to write at all.  Shit, I definitely need to get my shit together.  I've been sober a week now, though that feels like a sham.  I don't know what it is but every time I say, "wow, you've made it a week," I just have to go and fuck things up.  Goddammit.  The only thing I feel like doing right now is smoking.  Though I have the sorest throat anyone could imagine.  I believe I am sick.  I want to believe otherwise, but alas, I am sick.  I also got my girlfriend sick.  That I really regret.  I never want anyone to feel bad because of me.  No matter what.  Though I do have a holiday tomorrow, and am looking forward to some alone time.  It seems recently that I have had no time to myself.  As opposed to entire summers spent by myself.  Honestly I miss that.  Just spending a summer by myself, only hanging out with people when I felt the fancy.  I feel like I've changed so much over the past year alone.  I see things with different eyes now.  It's a strange feeling.  One that I have no words to describe it with.  One part of me loves the fact that I have changed, the other misses what I left behind.  And that doesn't mean I miss the drugs, I hate them now more than ever.  What I miss is the sense of irresponsibility that I had back then.  The sense that nothing mattered, no matter what I did.  And that I would face any consequence that came my way.  Well, the consequences are here, and I don't know what to do with myself anymore.  And again, part of me regrets doing what I did.  The other part doesn't because it made me who I am right now.  And to be honest I like who I am right now.  Addict or not, I like the Richard that I have become.  I've changed a lot, but most of the changes were for the better.  Actually, all of the changes were for the better.  You see, I've always been the kind of person to only avoid something if I know it is bad.  And I really believe now that all the things I have done in the past--drug related at least--were bad for me.  Only now do I realize that I have been a fool.  I have always been a fool.  But that's okay, because I am now trying to make myself a better person.  One step at a time.  I know now that I have to be responsible for the actions I make, good and bad.  I know now that any kind of drug is bad for me.  And I really regret doing anything that had me in an intoxicated haze.  But at the same time I don't.  Because that made me who I am today.  I would like to say I am wiser for what I have done.  Though I feel like now it's only a roadblock to my future.  And at the same time I feel like all of that was inevitable.  I am just happy that it happened when it did, when I had a safety net to catch me.  That I am eternally grateful for.  I can only hope that the rest of my life follows what makes me happy in the long run, not just in the moment.

Death Valley 01



Death Valley 01


     The desert sun blazed onto the desolate landscape.  Swanny wandered in and out of what lacked any word to describe it.  He tripped and staggered through the golden sand, left footprints in what he saw as carpet.  Swanny looks to the sun, saw every color in the rainbow, and it left him reeling.  His mouth was dry, he had been breathing through his mouth for the past few hours.  He mumbled to himself, as the colors danced in front of his eyes.  He needed water.  Only now was Swanny sure of the importance of that liquid.
     “This is one hell of a trip,” Swanny mumbled to himself.  “I need to go to that reservation more often.”  He was on a spiritual journey.  Swanny was a Native White American, he left much to be desired in the looks department.  Sun burnt eyes a crazy grey color that spoke volumes in a language that no one understood.  Average in height, with black hair, mangled and tangled under the desert sun.
     Swanny (his real name wasn’t really Swanny, but everyone called him that) crested a dune, and the whole of the Mojave opened up in front of him.  He needed water.  But he was too excited and high to have any forethought about this trip.  He wandered into the desert after drinking a foul tasting hallucinogenic liquid.  The desert sun beat down upon him like a scornful lover. 
     Thirsty, Swanny thought, over and over in his head until the only thing that they sky reminded him of was the ocean.  He fell down the side of the dune, tumbling through the sand.  Particles of sand filtered the sunlight gold and blue.  Swanny hit the bottom of the dune with a heavy squish.  He opened his eyes and found he was ankle deep in a pool of dark black-blue sludge.
     “Water!” he screamed with joy, and started shoveling the stuff into his mouth.  After a few shovelfuls of this sludge, Swanny felt more disoriented than his original state.  The lightheadedness caused him to fall face down in the muck.  The bubbles around his head slowly died.
     The sun was low on the horizon in the town of Dusty Shades, “The biggest small town in the Mojave!”  The shop keeper, Gary, had just closed up his general store/gas station/bookstore.  He looked toward the sunset, and saw a black dot shamble toward town.  He squinted to see it better, but couldn’t see what it was.  He shrugged his shoulders and went about his business.
     Later that night Gary was awakened by a bloodcurdling scream.  He leaped out of his single bed, grabbed his revolver and headed toward the epicenter of the noise.  When Gary reached the road, he was shocked.  Mrs. Wordswoth was spread-eagled on the road.  Her neck bitten out and blood still erupted all around her like a geyser.  Gary looked around and saw the figure of a man, who was shambling farther into town.  The figure became illuminated by the lights of houses turned on to investigate the scream.  It was a man, but this man was covered in what appeared to be lint with his mouth gone, replaced by a huge black bulbous boil.  Gary ran closer, but kept his distance, this man was dangerous, he could tell.  He killed Mrs. Wordsworth, he didn’t know how, but he was the only culprit. 
     The man moaned, loudly at the lights being turned on in the night.  Gary, who was always a cautious man, slowly cocked his pistol.  A crowd formed around the edges of the road.  Murmurs circulated about this figure that had killed Mrs. Wordsworth.  Gary carefully took aim at the figure.  But a split second before he took the shot, Gary heard a faint “look out!” coming from the crowd.  He turned around.  Mrs. Wordsworth was at most a foot away from his face.  She looked different.  Her eyes were dead, her face was blank, and her mouth was open.  A black-blue boil was beginning to protrude from her jaw.  She uttered a moan as her arms encircled Gary.  Her jaw closed around his jugular, he tried to scream but his gun fired and it drowned out any other sound.  The bullet flew into an onlooker in the crowd.  They all screamed, and dispersed into the night.  Utter chaos erupted in the biggest small town in the Mojave. 
     There was only one survivor.
     This man, who went by the name of Brennon, fought off the creatures with any weapon he could find.  In only two hours, the entire town was infected.  Brennon fought off what he could, and burned the rest.  When dawn broke, he climbed into his car and drove west, toward Los Angeles.  Brennon had to tell the world what happened in Dusty Shades.  It was his home town, and his family had all died in whatever the hell that was.  This was early in the November of 1999.
    
     It was now the 12th of December in the same year. 
     In that same desert, in the middle of godforsaken nowhere.  Dr. Mathis was sent to investigate what had happened in Dusty Shades by the CDC.  He was a forensic pathologist, very overqualified for the job.  The morning sun painted the sky purple to his back.  Dr. Mathis drove his Ford F-150 into the burnt remains of the town.  He got out of the car in the center of the main road.  Burnt and decayed bodies littered the street, some with heads, and some without.  Mathis bent down to investigate one of the bodies.  It was thin, almost as if it had been starved and slightly singed.  He reached his gloved hand toward the body, and turned it over.  What he saw made him jump back.  The mouth was open, and the jaw was hanging by a thread of flesh.  In its place, a growth like a boil protruded from the jaw line. 
     “What the,” Mathis pondered under his breath.  He reached into his kitbag and pulled out a Petri dish to collect a sample from the growth.  When he touched it with his scalpel, however, it collapsed in on itself, releasing a cloud of dust.  Mathis jumped back off his haunches and onto the ground.  He narrowly escaped the dark blue-black dust.  He put on his mask for good measure, and after it settled he attempted to collect another sample.  But the bodies seemed to disintegrate on touch. 
     Frustrated, he looked for more bodies.  The entire town was of this same disintegrating matter, he looked farther out of town for more bodies.  He followed the main road, through ash and blood and dust.  He kept his head down and his mask on.  When the burnt sand ended, Mathis saw that a trail of black-blue footprints started.  He followed them, farther into the Mojave. 
     The sun was high in the sky.  Mathis kept with the footprints until he came to a pool, with the footprints leading out of it.  This dark blue-black sludge bubbled in anticipation of him.
     “I have to get a sample of this,” he said to himself, and bent down to collect a sample.  The pool released puffs of blue-black dust with each bubble.
     “Freeze!” a muffled voice yelled behind him.  He heard the cocking of a firearm.
     Dr. Mathis whirled around, and saw the man who yelled at him.  It was someone in desert camouflage, who wore a full-faced gasmask.  The man was pointing an AK-47 at him.  Dr. Mathis froze.
     “What are you doing?  This is a quarantined area,” the man waved his gun at him, but it returned to the spot between the doctor’s eyes.
     “I—I’m with the CDC.  My name is Dr. William Mathis,” his hands raised slowly, a gesture of peace.
     “Another doctor, eh?  Keep your hands up and come with me,” the soldier’s gun lowered, but he still had his finger on the trigger.  The grunt slowly turned around and his footsteps tore lightly into the sand, he left a trail of black-blue footprints.
     Dr. Mathis was stunned and puzzled.  He didn’t think that there was anything left living in the desert.  The town itself was tribute to that.  He followed the soldier, half with curiosity and half out of fear.  He avoided stepping in the black-blue lint that the soldier left behind.  After ten minutes of walking, they arrived at a small shed.  Mathis hadn’t seen this shed.  It was painted with the same desert camouflage that the soldier was wearing.  This had bad idea written all over it.  I wish I had been transferred to Atlanta.  At least there they don’t have crazy people waving guns at me.  The doctor thought as he stepped through the door, into the darkness of the shed.  His eyes took a while to adjust to the light.  There was nothing in the shed except for a large manhole.  The soldier motioned with his gun toward it, and then lifted it.
     “Down the rabbit hole we go,” Mathis said under his breath.  The air that emanated from the hole was rancid.  It was a mixture of spoiled milk, dirt, and fungus.  Yep, this had bad idea written all over it.
     After they descended the ladder into the cave, the soldier and Dr. Mathis stood at the entrance to a dark tunnel.  The soldier turned on his flashlight, and lit the path ahead of them.  He kept his light on the cave ahead, but never let it fall to the ground.  Mathis could barely make out shapes on the floor of the cave.  Part of him didn’t want to know what was there, the other part was deathly curious.
     “What is this place, and what is on the ground?”
     The soldier said nothing, but continued on until they both arrived at a large steel door.  There was a consol in front of the door with a keypad on it.  The soldier typed in a code.  There was an alarm and flashing lights all around them.  Mathis was taken aback by the sounds after the long silence.  Then he heard the sound of the steel door squealing open.  That rancid smell was getting worse.
     “God, man, what is that smell?” Mathis covered his nose.
     The soldier just grunted a laugh, and continued on.  He stepped through the metal door, and flipped a switch.  Dr. Mathis followed hastily.  He snuck a glance back toward the cave.  As the door closed behind him, the light from the door illuminated the figures on the floor of the cave.  Bodies, piles of them, the same black-blue corpses from Dusty Shades littered the floor like discarded tissues.
     A pit formed in the stomach of Dr. Mathis.  He said shakily, “Jesus, what the hell is this place?”
     The grunt moved along silently.  They arrived at another door, the lights turning on and off as they walked, following them with the saving light from an incandescent bulb.  They reached a door at the end of the hallway into a dark room.  The soldier stopped before the door, and motioned for Mathis to go through.  He stayed behind, and the door squeaked shut behind Mathis.
     Mathis couldn’t see, he uttered a shaky, “hello?” and was answered by darkened silence.
     “Ah, who are you?  And what were you doing in my laboratory?” a voice echoed through the dark.  A light flicked on, illuminating a sunken, wrinkled face.  The face was sitting behind a small metal desk, the lamp played games with Mathis’ head.
     “Uh, my name is Dr. William Mathis, I’m with the CDC.  I was sent here to investigate what happened at Dusty Shades.  And a man with a gun forced me to come here.”
     The man hit his hand on the desk.  The hollow metallic scream echoed through the dark room.  Mathis jumped, and put up his hands.
     “My apologies, doctor.  I knew they knew, I just didn’t realize how fast they would respond to that outbreak,” the man looked sad.  His eyes were in shadow, leaning forward on the desk.
     “Outbreak, what do you mean?  And who are you?”
     The man slammed his hand on the desk again, “damn drug nuts running wild!  My funding cut, my men hungry, and no one cares!  What the hell has this world come to?”  He trailed off, and put his head in his hands.  After a minute of silence, he picked back up, “My work is so important.  It’s all I have.  I am Dr. Clarke Kilborne.  And this—this place is going to be the death of me.  The death of everyone!  We have the largest collection of fungi in the world!  And they cut my funding?  All because some damn hippie drinks the waste.”  He trailed off to incomprehensible mumbles.
     “Okay,” Mathis walked closer to the desk.  “So what you’re saying is that outbreak as you call it was your fault?  What did you release?”
     “My fault?  My fault!  No, that drug nut that fell in the waste pool.  It’s his damn fault!”  Kilborne slammed his fist on the desk, harder than the previous strikes.  The lamp on his desk toppled over the desk.  It fell on the floor, and illuminated the wall behind him.  The entire wall was covered in a cluster of blue-black bulbs.  They pulsated as if the light woke them up.
     “What the fuck is that?  For God’s sake, what is that?”  Dr. Mathis stepped back, his heart full of fear.  The pit in his stomach became a void, endless and black, his mind raced with the monsters no one dared to imagine.
     “That?” Dr. Kilborne said with a maniacal chuckle.  “Those.  Those are my children.  Those are the newest of my creations.  Those are the final version.  Those are the ticket to the freedom of the human race!  No more will we be stricken with hunger, with sickness or death.  This is evolution!
     Mathis’ head began to swim.  He took in extra air, but his throat was invaded by something.  He coughed and wheezed.  He fell onto his knees, but still couldn’t get any air.  It was as if something was attempting to climb out of his lungs.
     The madman laughed even louder, “having fun, doctor?  Like I said, soon the human race will evolve.  In exactly one week’s time, we as a race will reach a whole new tier of perfection!  Alas, you doctor will not have the good fortune of seeing human perfection.  You have already been infected with my failed prototype.  You will die.  But my children will spread, on December the 19th; my children will invade the atmosphere infecting everyone on earth!”
     Mathis knew this man was mad.  But he couldn’t voice it, the thing trying to escape his lungs burst out of his mouth, dislocating his jaw.  Mathis’ air was blocked by a black-blue boil.  The same kind he found on the bodies in Dusty Shades.  His eyes closed, he slipped into death.
     Dr. Kilborne un-holstered his gun, and put a bullet through the head of Dr. Mathis.  “After the spores are released,” he turned around to admire his work.  “We shall truly live.”
     The mad doctor stood quietly there for a while.  He felt something grab his ankle.  He whipped around, to find the undead corpse of Dr. Mathis reaching out toward him, with one hand already around the bare skin of his ankle.  Dr. Kilborne screamed.  He knew that just one touch could spread the infection.  This was his creation.  Why was it trying to kill him?  This wasn’t right!  The doctor fired randomly at the creature. 
     He knew he would turn very soon.  He put the gun to his head, and pulled the trigger.  Click. 
     “Shit!”  The doctor screamed.  He broke free of Mathis, and ran to his computer.  He frantically slammed the keys, attempting to start the bunker’s self-destruction protocol.  The bunker’s alarm system blared, “ten seconds to self-destruction.”
The corpse of Dr. Mathis pulled Kilborne off of his chair and onto the floor, the doctor screamed until he couldn’t anymore.  The undead corpse of Mathis tore Kilborne’s jaw off of his skull and shoved his fungus covered hand down his throat.  Dr. Kilborne died with a scream bubbling through his throat.
Kilborne’s men attempted to run from the bunker.  The squad of seven men scrambled to the ladder in the cave.  They stumbled over body after body.  But the ladder had collapsed.  The men tore off their gasmasks and fell to their knees.
The cleansing fire ripped through the air, igniting what was left of the soldiers, Dr. Mathis, and Dr. Kilborne.  All that was left was the silent black-blue pool of waste.  Bubbles jumped excitedly at the fire erupting from the desert shack just yards away.  The sun shone through the black-blue smoke, the sun set on the flames in the desert.
The black-blue pool still waits silently bubbling in the Mojave.