Dragon-Phoenix Heart

You, you are beautiful.
In every
Single
Way, and more.
My love for you will
Never fail, never
Falter or wither
Or die.
You, you are the
Light of my life,
The stars in my eye,
And the beat of my
Heart.  Even
Though you are miles
Away, I still think of
You. I (wish to) see
You inches from my
Face; I (wish to)
Feel your embrace in mine,
To know you are right where
You are.  Being beautiful.
Being you, and I (wish
To) have your love come
Out in wave after wave of
Snuggles and cuddles,
God how I wish.
How I wish you were here,
One night without you
Is one night too many.

Never forget, how I love you.
You will always and
Forever have a place in
The largest ventricle of
My dragon-phoenix
Heart.

Rainy Rambles

Stoplights turn,
The blue buzz of go throught the
Midnight rainy air.
The exhaust clings to the road
And the music pounds on,
Singing my route through the haze
Beating my way down road
Afer road,
After road.
Cold reaching my bones
Wetness from the sky,
Tears of the gods.
Lifegiving, breathtaking love
Of the skies themselves.
This water wandering through
Dreams of yesteryear,
The last time it rianed, oh so
Long ago.

As for now, friends keep
My company, my love and
Affection.  Keeping
Me in line, and in love through
This tough time living life.

And the rain the rain the rain,
Leaving me cold, wet and so
Very happy.

That Place

You know,
        That place
That place between
Life and hate,
        That place
Between loving and
Words, but we always found
        That place
To be boring and stale.
A lover in brail
        To a blind child
Who never learned to
Listen.

You know,
        That place
That place between
Real and imaginary,
        That place
In between the stars
That fall between your eyes.
        That place.
That's where I love you.
And that's where
        I'll always
        Yet never.

    That place.

Elation Desperation

Every elation has a desperation,
Ups have downs,
We have no rights left.
Life soaring through the
Breathtaking Texas sky,
Leaving me in the dust,
Dirty and alone.
Teased with the fact
That I know who I am,
And yet no one else does.
I am learning to love myself,
But the world around me
Doesn't give two shits.
Loving myself doesn't mean
Anything else loves me.

For what I've done:
I understand.
Deserve is different than
Want, and what I want
Is irrelavent.

Being happy is work,
Life is work, love is work,
And I'm just lazy.
The crippling laziness
That plagues my life
Plagues infesting my mind
Dirty and alone, loveless
And deserving of nothing more

11/14/13 (continuation of 11/5/13)

And yet, life is so much more
    More than the high and
      Elation of drugs.
Life is magic and strange and wonderful
    And weird and awesome
          (In the traditional sense,
        Of course.)
This wonder that floats
    Across my eyes, the ghosts
      Of lives gone by,
The words of old junkie sages
    Echo in my the box atop my shoulders.
      "Their problem
Is just as deep,
      Just as bad as yours.
You don't get a hero medal
    For what you've done."
The profoundity of this man,
        Still hits me to this day.
  The Russianliterature-loving-dope-peddling
Sage.

Because life is so much more.
  Than being someone I was.
    I could do so much better.
I am, in fact, doing better.
        Learning to love myself,
    And accept myself,
For who I am.
          Who I am at this moment.

11/5/13

This room is illuminated
    By despair
My fingers blind across
    The page
This pencil being an invader
Invading my old home;
    My old being.
Stress and depression bleeding from every
    Pore; I don't know why.
That's not true, not entirely.
    Life, life
    Is my stressor.
        Real life is my enemy.
So I run
    Run with pills and
      Booze and songs
    And words.
Floating across my eyes
    As if in a dream;
      A spectral fantasm of
        A long loved and
    Forgotten time.

Hydrocodone Hangover

Hydrocodone hangovers have me
Second guessing my second chance,
Have me rethinking my second glances
At the mystery that is life.

Caffeine and cigarettes guide my day
What's to come is pre-coped and
Pre-packaged to fit neatly in the box
On top of my shoulders.

Wondering what life will bring, what
Wondrous things are to come.
What horrible thoughts are to arise from
These wondrous happenstances.

The negative self-talk is corrosive,
Now on, from this point onward
It's going to be positive,
Sunshine and rainbows.

Life is wonderful scary strange and
Magical, what's to come is in the cards
And what has been is in my heart.
Part of me knows I can do my part

To live my life to the fullest,
With my heart outside my breast,
My mind beginning to crest
The hill of the insurmountable.

The insurmountable love that is life.