Capital Wasteland: My First Novel

Here's a link to my very first novel.  Please, read it and give me advice.  If anything just read it, or let it collect dust on your hard drive.  But yeah, give it a whirl.

Capital Wasteland

Happy reading, as always,

Richard

Life is Interesting.

    So, it's officially gotten to the point where the only thing I ever type into the computer is my password.  I need to keep writing, even now it feels alien to be typing.  I figure it's high time I start posting again.
    I finished my novel.  I think I'll just give it away for free online.  If I can find a way to host the file on here, then I will do that in short time.  Other than that I've been enthralled by computers.  I ordered a Rasberry Pi, one of those wallet-sized and fully-functional computers.  Honestly, that's just effing amazing to me.  A full computer that fits in the palm of your hand.  Fuckin' crazy right?
    Right.
    I also have been enthralled with both the movie and novel, John Dies at the End.  If you've never heard of it, check it out.  It is definitely worth it.  The first time I saw that movie, all I could say was, "what the fuck?"  But it was delightfully absurd, emphasis on the delightful.  If you're not into reading the book (and I DO wish I had read the book first, just saying) then check out the movie.  You can find it on Netflix, or your neighbourhood friendly movie pirating site.  I highly recommend it.
    Recycled computers are interesting.  I just brought one of my first computers back to life, something that took all of a day and ten bucks worth of adapters, not sure if it's worth it.  Mostly because of the internet connection, but hey, can't win em all.  I may just wire it, instead of using one of those cheap USB wireless adapters.  But honestly, all of that was just testing and preparation for when I get the Rasberry Pi.  Which, to my dismay, hasn't even been processed.  [entersadfacehere]
    Still, life has been an amazing time.  Not to mean it's over, quite the opposite.  Graduating high school just made me realize that I have so much more to do.  I try to focus on the here-and-now, but I keep having looming thoughts about failing to become employed, getting an education, and the whole lot.  So if anyone in the Austin, Texas area knows someone who's hiring, drop me a line.
    That's my update so far.  I hope it's been amazing for you, too.

Happy Reading,

Richard

Dream of a Nightmare

Words don't come as easy

As they used to, you know.

Pained and struggled, staring

At the computer screen, wondering

Wondering why the words are

So hard to form, why the

Page is full, and blank.

The words aren't as

Inspired as they once

Were. Leaving me, alone

In the dark, wanting to do some

Thing creative with my

Words. Only to be

Shot down by

My own

Mind.

Adderall dreams

Fill my head with sorrow,

Guilt and euphoria like never

Before, and yet I've been here all

Too many times. Wondering

Down the dark, bleak

Streets of Venice.

Contemplating

Life.

Coffee stains on

The rug, water pouring

From my pours, escaping

The poisoned body they once

Inhabited, they once called

Home. Littered across

My room are the

Dreams of my

Nightmares.

A life I once

Could only dream

Of, a life filled with

Love, ambition, and, of

Course belonging are only

The dream of a night-

Mare long past.

The words

Come

Slowly now.

Many Apologies Coming from This Dude Right Here.

    As the title says, many apologies for not being on.  I am neck deep in my first novel.  One that I started a number of years ago, but never got around to editing it fully.  May I say, it's a good-un.  Though I will just self-publish, instead of getting an agent, because I A) don't have the money for one, and B) I'm not too much invested in this as I should be.  I guess I want to do other things with my life right now.  I really love writing, but I can't find the time for it anymore.  Yet another reason I haven't been blogging.  I really should make the time, but it's getting down to the end of the year, schoolwise, and it's crunch-time.  I guess I'll have more time once school gets out.  Well, I will hopefully have a job by then, so it's really up in the air now.  I'll start posting things when I can, I just can't do it everyday like I promised. 
Again, many apologies from me.

Happy reading, from yours truly
Richard.

To C

I met you and fell upward
To the bliss
Of sunshine and the sweet of a rose
And with the power of a kiss,
I fell to the sky.

I thought I would bleed
For you, but I found myself
Upon a midnight reading
Out from my lonesome shelf.

The picture on the page
Dances in my head wile
As this bird flies from the cage
Made weak from this child.

The voice of my past
Cannot last
This straining of my heart
He died whilst speaking his art.

In the Mood to Destroy Something Beautiful

    Lately I've been in the mood to destroy something.  Something beautiful, and preferably non-living.  Like burn the Louvre and wipe my ass with the Mona Lira, as my copy of Fight Club says.  I don't know, man.  I'm usually not that kind of guy.  But lately I feel like it.  I might as well enjoy it, since I've been labelled a douche for the rest of my high school career.  Two months never seemed so long.  In a sense I have destroyed something beautiful.  I really did, if I think about it.  I guess that's why I feel this way, the whole 'fuck it' attitude.  I'm going to be in school for two more fucking months, then bam.  Real life.  I honestly think I should live as much as I can now, before life kicks in.
    Adolescence is a twentieth century invention, I've heard that a lot echoing through my mind.  The more I think about it, the more I realize it's true.  We are a generation of men raised by women, a generation of women raised by the media.  I'm still unsure if another voice in our heads is for the better.  Freud's Superego has been amassing an army.  To fight the moral fight of this stillyoung century.  I've been debating whether or not I should just opt out, or pick a side.  One thing that still gets me is my knack for picking a side unintentionally.  The Id has been amassing an army as well.  Set up to fight the Armageddon of the New Age.  Maybe that's what all that biblical shit is about.  Morals, since, the bible can be boiled down to a book of morals.  A HIGHLY symbolic book of morals.  You know the drill, God is in each and every one of us, blah blah blah.  But once you think about it, all those hippie shit "freethinkers" have got something there.  Makes me wonder if my senseless hedonism is worth it.
    Then I think, "well, if the world is going to end, then fuck yeah."  Still a resounding argument from the Id.  While the Superego is always nagging, "get your shit together, be a good person, blah blah blah."  This goes on each and every day inside me until I have a headache that could part the Red Sea. 

Arm thyselves for the coming war.
And as always, happy reading.

Spaceship Earth

I sit under the spinning blades of

The skies churning, churning, and

I cry.

My life interrupted, once again.

I wonder if time is cyclical, if

I could really go back. But

What would I do?

Be locked away for raving

Nude in the parking lot of my

High school? Scream at myself

Again raving nude in the classroom

I once called Home.

Now all I can do is

Submit to the will of the

Opium drip drip dripping

Through my veins

Praying for an overdose.

An “accidental” death to

Justify my exit stage left from

This spaceship called Earth.

While I sit here, under the

Spinning blades of my life

I cry.

I scream to the gods to just let

Me die, to let my breath escape

My body, one measly second

At a time.

Profoundly intoxicated by this

Prophetic substance, dreaming

Dreams I once thought impossible.

I see the muddling existence led

By others sharing my pain.

I am sorry.

The only thing I want at this

Holy moment is to wander the streets

Of San Fransisco Portland and open

A heavy iron door to steam I know

Is Heaven. The holy moment

Enshrouded by this holy vapor,

THIS is my home.

Nodding off to the sick sounds

Of nothing there. Of parents and

Coworkers wonderingnotwondering

Where I am.

Who I've become.

If I'm safe.

Because on this spaceship called Earth,

No one is safe

Save enshrouded by that holy vapor.